People often whine about the way I dress on a day to day basis. Complaining that I break the rules of the hosts of "What Not To Wear" - because I tend for baggy, loose fitting tops. (Funny how they always complain about that, but 99% of the time are wearing horizontial stripes while telling me this, and Clinton and Stacy have said before to not wear horizontial stripes. Point this out to them and they get angry. Guess hypocrites don't like to be called out.) I just do not like things that cling.

I'm fat, I dress in a way that feels emotionally comfortable to me. That means clothing cannot cling to any rolls. Tops must hang two inches or more below the bottom of my belly. Sleeves must fall at least to the top of the elbow. Colors must be solid and dark with no patterns or if there's stripes they must be vertical.

People tell me that my tendancy to look for "tent-like" tops makes me look fatter then I am. But see, I don't really care. I'd much rather look bigger in that regard, then feel like my clothing is exposing every lump of flab for all the world to point and laugh at. Of course I look for ways, even in the "tent-like" tops to minimize the look all the day - such as with the dark colors and vertical stripes. (Whereas light colors and horizontial stripes makes people look fatter then they are. Even "swimming" in my tops as people claim I do I still look thinner then those in horizontial stripes or those big patterns that are so popular now.)

They just don't get it.

I might physically fit in a 2X, but emotionally I simply must wear a 3X. If it doesn't fit me emotionally it's a waste of money. I simply won't wear it. It will end up in the back of the closet to never see the light of day again.

Try as I might to explain this to people and they start staring at me blankly. Start spouting off things said by reality tv "stars" such as the WNTW hosts or Tim Gunn - and like I said, they do not like it when I point out they're breaking those peoples' "rules" too. Before long they're throwing out words like "confidence" "goddess" and "diva" until they sound like some sort of unholy cross between a fashion magazine article writer and Dr. Phil.

They can't get that in things that fit me physically I have no confidence. I look in the mirror and see all the physical flaws that no amount of diet and excercise seems to get rid of. (And I DO diet and excercise. I don't eat junk food - it makes me sick to even look at it. Fast food restraunts don't get my patronage unless I'm dragged there against my will.) I imagine people laughing at me behind my back. Or getting physically ill at the sight of me.

But put me in something that drapes loosely, that doesn't outline my stomach, clings to the rolls of fat, that is "tent-like" and I AM confident. I FEEL good. Because those things are hidden.

My style needs an emotional fit. And if that ticks people off, too darn bad. At least I don't look like a reject from The Jerry Springer Show.

Maybe I do need a makeover. Maybe I should go on WNTW. But it's not going to happen. Because no one understands that psychologically speaking, the clothing everyone else thinks fits me, does not. I'm NOT a diva. I'm NOT a goddess. I'm NOT curvy. I'm just fat. Period. And I dress the way that suits this fat woman.

And anyone who doesn't like it, can lump it.