I, for one, hate it.

I do it because I have to. Not because I want to. If I had a choice I'd live the rest of my life in oversized, tent-like t-shirts and cheap jeans. Tennies are the best kinds of shoes in my opinon.

Shopping for things like body wash, shampoo, etc, well, I can get that all at WalMart. Music and books I don't even have to step outside the door, just buy online.

Shopping for clothing however, has to be done in person and it's a pain in the butt! Especially when you're fat like me. Because, despite what a lot of people here try to claim, there's very little out there that's both appropreate and pretty for a fat woman.

I've learned the hard way that shopping online just does not work. You have to see the outfit in person, try it on, make sure that you love it as much in real life as you do on your screen.

For instance, I need a formal gown for an event in July. I want it to have sleeves - not just because of the batwings on my ugly arms, but also because I have a tattoo I want covered up. To the elbow is fine. A little bit longer would be more elegant. However I've only found one that looks like it would do over on Dillards.com - having been burned more then once on online clothing I'd want to see it in person. The problem is, the nearest Dillards is a two hour drive away to Palmdale, California. With gas the way it is, I'm not making a four-hour round trip drive for a dress I might hate in person.

Which leaves me with the stores closer to me. However they've stocked nothing but sleeveless clothing. Or if it does have sleeves then they're so sheer and see-through you could easily see the tattoo I'm so ashamed of, the flab on my upper arms, and everything else I'm trying to hide. Plus they're all empire waists and I don't care if they're "in" or "hip" - empire waists make me look pregnant. The last thing I need to tell people is "I'm not having a baby, I'm just fat!"

Then there's shoes. I have short but wide feet. I wear a six and a half wide width. It's very hard to find shoes of any kind in that size outside of The Home Shopping Network. While I have ordered some shoes from them, they've mostly left me disapointed. Shoes, like clothing, really need to be bought in person.

Right now I'm trying to find some nice plain black closed toe wedges. Something I can wear all year round. No open toes. No slingbacks. No sandals. None of the ones with a strap that goes around the ankle. Just a simple black wedge with a two, maybe a two and a half inch heel.

Closest I got was some of these crocheted AJ Valenci's from HSN but even though they fit everywhere else, right along the top there that little bit of crocheted stuff cuts into the top of my foot. No matter how many times I wear them or put them on the shoe stretcher, that part just won't break in enough to be comfortable. Had I been able to try them on in a store I wouldn't have had to waste my money on them.

I would've prefered a black patent leather or something of that nature.

Of course, maybe my real problem is, like Sammy Davis Jr once sang, "I've got to be me." I don't follow trends. Refused to be brainwashed into thinking something looks good on me when I know in my heart of hearts it looks bad. I don't buy something just because a celeberty wore it or endorsed it. Have only watched five minutes of Sex In The City and hated it. Basically, I'm just not like everyone else and I refuse to be. However, that leaves me extremely limited clothing and shoe wise as people don't design things for individuals like myself, but rather for the clones of the world.

We're not all shapped like Sarah Jessica Parker. (And God knows I'd rather be fat then be stick like anyway.) And I don't want to dress like that chick from The Practice either - I think her taste in clothing is horrible.

I want to be Jami. But Jami can neither design, nor sew. (The latter I want to learn if only so I can make some nice casual work tops.) When I need formal wear I need to go shopping.

I hate it, but I have to do it.

It's just too bad that 99.9% of the time I walk away with nothing.