Long have I scorned religion in my daily life, and God. Whether purposeful or not, I have shunned an essential aspect of my history as a human, a westerner, and a woman. Perhaps...perhaps I do need something to believe in. Perhaps myself is not enough. Yet...I do not wish to take part in the watered-down Christian ways of this modern world I have been placed in. I yearn to live a life of passion and of commitment; that which I have not found in this religion.

Long too have I been enamored with all things pagan. A consequence of my historic ancestry of cold Norway and the savagery of the Germanic and Gallic tribes? I like to think so. Or perhaps it is simply a romantic fantasy brought on by the wonder of books and my own active imagination. However, my feelings are so visceral and so human that I cannot deny them; brush them off as imaginatioin. The earth inspires me and instills in me magic and wonder unparalleled by anything created by man. To worship the earth around us as our living mother of all humanity is an inherent ideal of human nature. Not only is she all around us, always nearby, she sustains and nurtures us. She gives us food, and water to drink. She shelters us, clothes us, yet is not entirely benevolent so that we become to comfortable with her. An aspect of fear is necessary in any authority relationship, and who better to fear than our own mother.

I have always felt a stronger attachment to the mysterious aspects of our world...the darker side of things, per se, but not evil. I do not praise or admire anything that is truly evil, but rather I am intrigued by the passion and dedication of the occult. There is something more...real, more tangible, more...human in that which I speak of. By reaching inside ourselves, past even our souls to the very depth of our existence we can find that passion, that fire for life and love that burns as the Beltane fires of the past did blaze. Within us is the ability to follow what we feel; to follow what our hearts tell us no matter what our cerebral reaction. Within the deepest part of us lies a truth that has been forgotten. A truth that has been overrun by the modern codes of our society. How flat and how colorless must we become before we realize our folly? To live without passion is to not live at all. Instead of a lavish feast our daily lives have become dry toast and water. No longer do we live and love without regard for whther it is right or wrong. Today we must think, contemplate, analyze every situation; there are 10-step processes to this end, and yet we are told to follow our hearts. To truly follow one's heart requires the momentary acquiescence of the brain to be silent. Passion, true passion rejects reason, and sole reason is what we have come to live by. 

I say that God is not dead. I say that he lives, and that he is around us, nearby us, and within our souls, as nature lies at our core. They exist together, as all things do. The darkness and the light; the pagan and the Christian; the heart and the mind; passion...and reason. The key to all things is balance. If one side is in excess then the other must counter it with excess until equilibrium is achieved. Then there is only to wait for an imbalance. The cycle continues, as does life. This cycle, and the things that matter are within your soul and your center, and it is your choice whether to follow them with passion or not.  

As for me, I have decided that in order to live with passion I must believe in something other than myself.  I have decided to embrace the idea of religion as a fact of my existence and of nature, and to discover aspects of it that will serve me for my purpose in life, whatever it may be. I will pray, not in the religious sense so much as to invoke both the tangible and intangible powers that guide our existence. I will worship no god, or nature, but instead find strength and give thanks to all that had shaped my life and the world in which I have been placed. 

This is my choice. Your choice lies within.